I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
