1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
