I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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