i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
