even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
