Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
