i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
