It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize