dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
