I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
