i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
