We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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