Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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