the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
