i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
