Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am one with the molecules
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
