Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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