I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Randomize
