If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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