It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
