I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
