I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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