i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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