I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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