wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize