Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
