grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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