Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
