Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
