i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
