Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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