Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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