he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
