we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we're so committed to being not committed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The air taste purple.
Randomize
