So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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