Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
