Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
