Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
