Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
