im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
