when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
