the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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