eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
