Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
