Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
