There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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