I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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