Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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