can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
