And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need moral support for this bender
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
