I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
