He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
