my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
