I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
