I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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