I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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