Tell her she can't have a vagina
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
