I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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