I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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