just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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