I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
