i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did i walk over a car last night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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