hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
