She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Two words: nipple clamps
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