i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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