i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
