and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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