Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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