Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
