Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
